George Santos, debatably one of the most respected and noble politicians of the modern world, has come forward about his involvement in seventeen major world events throughout history.

1. As the title suggests, he sealed the Magna Carta. “Yep yep yep, did that.”
2. He built the Leaning Tower of Pisa all by himself. “It was hard work,” he said with tears in his eyes, “but I did it.”
3. Santos saved six lives during the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire.
4. “Google will not tell you the right answer, so I’ll just tell you now: I am the founder of St. Jude. Like, the entire organization.” Woah!
5. Santos was responsible for the creation of The Office. “Yes, the ORIGINAL British version,” he emphasizes. “I’m not a copycat.”
6. Santos stole the exact design for the Gucci Stuart Hughes Belt and pawned it off for $500,000, nearly twice the price of the legit product.
7. In 1994, he was the McDonald’s employee that made the coffee cup that resulted in the widely discussed Liebeck V. McDonald’s Restaurants case.
8. Santos fought in the Battle of the Alamo. He was responsible for the slaying of William Travis. Previous magazine articles show proof that they did drag shows together, although Santos denies this. “Nope, didn’t happen. Everything else on this list did, though.”
9. George Santos helped Giuseppe Verdi write the opera “La Traviata.”
10. Santos claims he wrote the script for the very first Star Wars movie and cut the red ribbon at its premiere. “Yeppity yep yep, I did that, yep!”
11. He had a love affair with the designer of the State of Liberty- once his pookums had passed away, he founded Liberty Mutual in his honor.
12. WOAH….. WE HAD TO PUT OUR PENCIL DOWN FOR THIS ONE! George Santos was the very first signer of the US Constitution, signing for Delaware, where he was born. “It’s true!” He said, kicking his feet and giggling.
13. Santos was supposed to be in Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” music video. ““I feel, I hate saying this, because then everyone on Twitter is like ‘You’re lying, I hate you.’ I was supposed to be in the video,” he claims.
14. George Santos invented ballet.
15. Woodstock. “I did it all,” he said. “Invited every single performer, passed out the food and water when everyone was fainting, set up the stage for musicians. Jimi Hendrix, yup.”
16. Nobody noticed him in the pictures until he came forward about his involvement, but yes- George Santos was in the car with President John F. Kennedy during his assassination. “Yeah, like honestly it was like… really hard. And nobody saw me in there ‘cause I just booked it.”
17. George Santos led the confederate forces during the Battle of Bull Run. “Yuh huh, it was I!”

As you can see, Santos has accomplished a lot in his (?) years. And don’t ask if these things actually happened, because they literally did, he said it himself.